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Taylor Swift - THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY

Posted: 4/23/2024 by Leilani Krady ( See All) Show: Thursday from 12:00 PM to 2:00 PM

(2024) Taylor Swift has released her newest collection of pages out of her diary. She has also followed in Midnight’s footsteps and surprise-dropped an extended edition in the early morning hours after the album’s initial release. However, unlike Midnights (3AM Edition)’s 7 bonus tracks, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY is marketed as a double album, and adds 15 additional songs to the original 16 of TTPD. The term “double album drop,” doesn’t describe two separate sister albums, but one 31-song conglomeration that’s over 2 hours long. TTPD:TA is now Swift’s longest album in terms of number of tracks, but is second longest in terms of run time: It is 8 minutes shorter than Red (Taylor’s Version) while still being 1 track longer. Swift’s latest movie-length project was produced and written by herself and her frequent collaborators, Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner.

As evident as it was to me going into this that TTPD was going to be a relatively mellow breakup album, I was still overwhelmed by the strict sonic cohesion that, though giving the piece as a whole a very concrete aesthetic and palate, inevitably leads to many of the non-standout tracks blurring together or even falling through the cracks. In her defense, it’s an unachievable goal to create an album as long as this one that solely contains standout songs. In fact, these standouts are generally the tracks that provide the most sonic variation and experimentation: “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart,” for example, provides a much-needed shot of adrenaline in the trenches of the album. Unsurprising for the run time, this album really drags at times as it cycles through the same few themes. Sonically, thematically, and lyrically TTPD is “Maroon” from Midnights expanded over 31 songs. Maybe it’s the Antonoff curse, but truly, these songs all sound SO similar. The music, of which there are rarely identifiable instruments, is colored a sad millennial beige. Sure, you can argue that this is the intended aesthetic of the album, but the uniformity of the music even for the sake of aesthetics does not make it good or interesting to listen to--ESPECIALLY not for 2 straight hours.

What this album needed most was to understand the meaning of ‘quality over quantity’--it could have been a much greater TS release if it possessed the self awareness to only feature the best 10 to 12 tracks off of TTPD:TA. Afterall, it isn’t like all 31 tracks on TTPD:TA are being used to explore new themes, thoughts, or concepts; they just continue to beat the same five dead horses with different synth backdrops. If the album was boiled down to the top 11 songs, it would contain the same amount of thematic content present in the current album but with a much more effective brevity that allows the emotional and lyrical contents to fully breathe in the fresh air of a normal 40 minute run time. (In fact, I have taken one for the team and created TORTURED POETS (ABRIDGED VERSION) which preserves the best tracks, core themes, and overall tone of the album without any of the filler--all in a perfectly reasonable 40 minute run time: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1dGQmwzlymyNu573E5hk7q?si=4fb419e6165445f5 )

ALBUM 1

“Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)” will inevitably be misspelled as ‘fortnite’ by Googlers everywhere for the foreseeable future. Despite its perhaps unfortunate name, the opening track sets the tone and ambiance that will follow throughout the album. Synth backdrops, lyrical repetition, and a slow build will all be featured many times more in the coming tracks. Malone is a great feature, and his harmonies are a beautiful addition to the song. It’s an alright opener. It’s no “State of Grace.”

“The Tortured Poets Department” has a twinkling synth that dances through each line, almost “Bejeweled”-esque (I hate to keep making comparisons to Midnights, but the sonic palates are almost identical, with TTPD just foregoing the electrifying dance songs for even more somber lamentations).
With the second track, we are introduced to an unfortunate recurring theme that plagues this album: some of the most jaw-droppingly cringey lyrics ever penned by Taylor Swift. It painfully boggles my mind how the same woman who wrote “cowboy like me,” “illicit affairs,” and “All Too Well” can unironically sing lyrics like ‘and who’s gonna hold you like me?/No-f*cking-body/You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate/We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist.’ But I digress.

On that note, TTPD:TA also has the most offensively cringe song titles in Swift’s repertoire. Putting aside the first two, the third track hits you with “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” Other offenders that I will get to include “But Daddy I Love Him,” “Fresh Out The Slammer,” and “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” I do not have much to say about this song--it’s another “Maroon” or “Question…?”

“Down Bad,” which sounds by the title as if it would be a Reputation vault track, actually is, would you believe, also a sad-synth-ballad-from-Midnights-esque track. It utilizes its 4.5 minute run time to go absolutely nowhere. The way she says ‘f*ck it if I can’t have him’ is sort of satisfying, in a weird brain-scratching way. Another skip for me.

“So Long, London” is the 5th track, which is usually regarded as the most devastating on a given Taylor Swift album. On this album, the 5th track is not only finally the place where we get to see Swift’s true songwriting chops, but it also probably killed Joe Alwyn, just like “All Too Well” did to Jake Gyllenhaal. The melody is immediately much more engaging, unique, and musically interesting than the previous four songs. ‘And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free’ is, and I am dead serious here, chef’s kiss. Lyrically, she nailed this one. The bridge is also classically beautiful, but, in my own nitpicky opinion, would have been even better with an explosive emotional bridge, a la ‘Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much/But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up’ of “All Too Well” or ‘Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first’ of “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve.”

The elephant in the room about “But Daddy I Love Him” is obviously the egregiously self-aware, fourth-wall-breaking lyric, ‘But, daddy, I love him! I’m having his baby/No, I’m not, but you should see your faces.’ Now, I’m woman enough to admit that that did, indeed, get me good. In fact, I thought it was hilarious; she really can just write whatever she wants to at this point, huh? That being said, it is still absolutely ridiculous--whether in a good way or a bad way, I cannot decide. Musically, it’s one of the more upbeat tracks, and for that reprieve, I am thankful. It is not good enough to be almost 6 minutes long, though… not in an album already double an acceptable length.

My immediate take on “Fresh Out the Slammer”--BESIDES the fact that the title is too embarrassing for me to ever say out loud--is that I LOVE the spaghetti-western-esque electric guitar sound that plays in the first second of the track. This song would have been incredible and subversive in the context of the album if the production leaned more into a steel guitar/western vibe for this track rather than continuing the same synthpop we’ve waded through for the first six tracks.

“Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine)” finally tries to do something different. Florence Welch is IMPECCABLE and the perfect feature. Unfortunately I am not confident that I can get over just how jarring the percussive explosions are on the chorus. I know that’s the point, but… it doesn’t quite work. This song would have worked well as a “no body, not crime” moment. The bridge is excellent, and it's a shame the rest of the song does not follow suit. There are enough redemptive bits and pieces of this song that I wouldn’t skip it if it came on shuffle. I think that this song stands out because it's one of the few on this album that actually tries to do something different. It doesn’t hold up compared to other Taylor Swift songs, but in the specific context of TTPD, it is certainly in the top 5 of most engaging tracks.

First perfected with Reputation, “Guilty as Sin?” is emblematic of Swift’s ability to write a really good carnal-yearning-in-a-religiously-repressed-way banger. The beat is groovy, the melody is satisfying, the lyrics are risqué, and the contrasting religious imagery is flowing. Finally we get the hint of real instruments with the choruses, and somehow the flow (or maybe it's the crooning guitar) almost makes it seem like this song could be a Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) vault track. The bridge is vulnerable but not musically exciting enough for it not to almost feel like the bridge of a worship song (oof).

“Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” just doesn’t quite land. It feels very “Anti-Hero” in message. Maybe it's the unfortunate pairing of a phrase your creepy uncle might say at a family gathering with a The Greatest Showman-type musical swell+drumbeat+cymbal clash on the choruses. It just seems like it would fit a little too well in the climax of a PG-13 movie that was strictly following the Hero’s Journey beat by beat. I’m sure it's very inspirational to main characters undergoing character development everywhere, though.

“I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)” once again wants to tease me with the vaguely-Western sonic ambiance. The lyrics contribute to this, with lines like ‘the dopamine races through his brain on a six-lane Texas highway/His hands, so callused from his pistol softly traces hearts on my face.’ It sounds like she wrote this on a rough table in a shady corner of her local saloon. Finally a different sound to pull us out of the synthpop bog… I dig it. Since I like this one and it sounds different, obviously it would be one of the shortest songs on the album, barely passing 2:30.

“loml” has a real piano in it! Clearly the appeal of this song is Swift’s poetry. This Dessner-produced track would fit in the ranks of the evermore tracklist (see: “happiness” or “coney island [ironically, featuring The National]”). This track is for lovers of Swift’s devastating piano ballads about her lost lovers. Usually not my speed, but this track is worthwhile for its lack of synthpop (rare on this album), its unapologetic centering of Swift’s lyricism (thank you, Aaron Dessner), and the fact that it could fit on evermore or folklore.

Sonically, “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart” is “Mastermind” in the verses and “Bejeweled” in the post-choruses. In other words, it is a breath of fresh air. Easily one of the best tracks from TTPD, “ICDIWABH” is dazzling. Finally, it seems, Swift’s self-deprecating humor lands correctly against a purposefully ironic upbeat musical backdrop. If you only hear one song from this album, it should be this one. Again, the “Bejeweled”-type beat behind Swift singing ‘I’m so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague/I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art’ through gritted teeth is 10/10. This one speaks to all the straight A kids on Prozac out there (so, her whole audience). It’s light, it doesn’t take itself too seriously, and it is a resounding win for this album.

Aaaannddd “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” pushes us right back into the trenches. This song I feel the exact same way about as “loml.” Thank you Aaron Dessner, why don’t we all go cry over a song probably written about the guy who allegedly inspired the rat from Flushed Away. This one is slightly better than “loml” purely because it turns into a satisfying “rage song” (by TS standards, obviously) where Taylor Swift calls Matty Healy small. It’s a similar structure in that regard to “Dear John,” but way less good.

“The Alchemy'' lyrically is, perhaps, reminiscent of the adolescent setting of “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince.” It feels like Swift views her ongoing romance with Travis Kelce as a more R rated High School Musical (this will make more sense with the abomination that is “So High School,” so bear with me for that discussion later). “The Alchemy” features, and I say this with a tremendous sigh, numerous football references: ‘Call the amateurs and cut ‘em from the team,’ ‘These blokes warm the benches,’ and, no joke, ‘Touchdown.’ But that’s not all--there’s an elephant on this football field…
If anyone has spent any time near the Taylor Swift side of TikTok, there is a chance that they will have heard the smash-hit AI generated meme song that, in an impeccable Taylor Swift impression, goes, ‘so happy that my Travy made it to the big game/One step closer to Kelce being my last name.’ It is with simultaneous laughter and despair that I inform everyone that “The Alchemy” sounds exactly like this AI generated meme. If you don’t believe me, please, just listen to the AI song and then “The Alchemy.”

With “Clara Bow” we’ve finally passed the halfway point, and reached the end of the standard release of TTPD. Tired yet? This song, like other songs Swift has released recently, plays out her fears of growing old and irrelevant as the next Taylor Swift takes her place. She name-drops herself. Unfortunately after 16 songs I am emotionally drained. Nothing exceptional, will be skipping.

[Allegedly] ALBUM 2

“The Black Dog” is another sad song. The musical earthquake that occurs behind ‘old habits die screaming’ is headache inducing and certainly not warranted for such a mediocre subversion of an old adage. ‘And I hope it’s shitty in The Black Dog’ is actually a great line…or maybe this is Stockholm syndrome. Either way, it scratches my brain! I also hope it's shitty in The Black Dog, mostly because it's fun to say.

“imgonnagetyouback,” despite being stylized like a 2017 Billie Eilish song, can actually be perfectly described as the TTPD-ification of “get him back!” by Olivia Rodrigo. This is ironic because Rodrigo has been chastised in the past for “ripping off” Swift’s style, so to see Swift come out with a song destined to be so much less fun, popular, and successful than “get him back!” is crazy. Rodrigo’s song is more conceptually and lyrically well executed, but the similarities draw themselves… Rodrigo’s ‘I wanna key his car/I wanna make him lunch’ is just plainly more fun than ‘Whether I’m gonna be your wife, or/Gonna smash up your bike.’

“The Albatross,” for some unknown reason, is a hidden gem buried under the weight of 18 other tracks. This Dessner-produced track has a deliciously lush melody, which serves as the perfect cradle for Swift’s lyricism. This track would fit perfectly on evermore or folklore, from its plucky acoustic guitars to its earworm melody to its mythologizing storytelling. Rich oceans of harmonies accentuated by subtle string arrangements bring this track vivaciously to life. Its excellence leads the listener to long for the alternate universe where TTPD was sonically like folklore/evermore and produced far away from the clutches of Jack Antonoff’s synth-stained hands (and I say this as someone who constantly wants MORE synth and who’s favorite TS album is 1989--but the synthpop actually works in that lyrical and aesthetic context. This album’s contents are mismatched with its sonic landscape… it would have been much more convincing as a fully Dessner collaboration). This is one of, if not the, best track on TTPD.

As much as I dislike the mouthful that “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus” is to say, almost all of my opinions about “The Albatross” apply here. Swift’s lyrics and Dessner’s production style once again meld together, propping up and accentuating the best parts of each other. The warm symphony of stringed instruments layered upon each other provides a breathtaking depth and musical intrigue to this track not present on many Antonoff tracks. I feel like a broken record.

“How Did It End?” Not for another 10 songs, I can tell you that much. There is not much new to say about this one. The piano is gorgeous and the Dessner production lets Swift’s lyrical talents shine. They could put this one in a Twilight movie. I will not be adding it to the queue.

At last, we have arrived at “So High School.” In an unbelievably cruel and disgusting twist of fate, this song simultaneously is musically Taylor Swift’s most perfectly indie rock song to date and also contains some of the most horrendous lyrics I have ever heard leave her mouth. Why, on God’s green earth, would this song that sonically could fit on any The National album contain lyrics like ‘you know how to ball, I know Aristotle,’ and ‘touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto’? I am frankly appalled. Despite this, I miiiiight be able to ignore such lyrics for the sake of slurping up this rare glimpse into what it could be like if Swift was in an indie rock band in 2008 instead of Nashville. Undecided.

“I Hate It Here” is sonically solid but lyrically a mess. It does actually contain the line, ‘We wished we could live in instead of this/I’d say the 1830s, but without all the racists/and get married off for the highest bid.’ This truly has left me speechless. This song is nothing special.

With “thanK you aIMee” Swift has the audacity (or maybe just good lawyers) to spell out ‘KIM’ in the title, and with that it is obvious that the song is about her decade-ish old beef with Kim Kardashian. It's just fine. I do NOT care.

“I Look in People’s Windows” is the shortest track on the album, thank god. It is boring and I can’t believe this was good enough for her to add it to this already lengthy album.

“The Prophecy” is the third, but by no means the last, song on this album to follow the “The ___” format. This song shockingly is also boring and more of the same. I have nothing new to say, and this song has nothing new to add.

“Cassandra” also could have been on folklore or evermore! And I would have skipped it every time on either of them. It is once again just fine.

“Peter” is something we have definitely never seen before… another piano ballad! Luckily it's only almost five minutes long. Boring! Skip! Oh my God!

“The Bolter” is like “betty” in some ways, maybe in the boring guitar strumming and odd use of ‘f*cking’. Another skip for me.

“Robin” is probably about something but I actually couldn’t be bothered to figure it out. It’s probably tragic but it is also boring for 4 straight minutes so I will pass.

“The Manuscript” starts off with echoing piano chords that make me feel like I’m watching the ending to a movie that I cannot wait to give a bad review on Letterboxd. This one is probably very sad and exposes Swift’s whole soul to the listener. Unfortunately, I’ve spent hours of my life wading through the swampwater of this amalgamation called a double album and I will only ever be returning to like, maybe 4 out of the 31 songs. Goodbye, and good riddance, The Dead Poets Society or whatever this album was called.

Recommended If You Like: Midnights, Folklore, or Evermore
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